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The Book Of Revelations Of The True Church Of The Skate Perception

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Revelation 26:

And those who pacify with blood accursed
Savage AAGers,Hai2u’s horrid shrines,

And LACLAIR altars cruel as were those
Loved by KRAEPELIN, god of the north; god of the photo section

All these now reign in peace. And you, ye “poets”,
Whose day lays down to distant times

The fame of valorous deeds in battle done,
Pour forth in safety more abundant song.

While you, ye AAGers, when the war was done,
To mysteries strange and rites of Hai2u returned:

To you alone 'tis given the true names of LACLAIR and stars (via Hai2u)
To know or not to know; secluded groves
Your dwelling-place, and sections far remote.

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Revelation 27:


Splendid you rise in SP's light

O LACLAIR, creator of life on the Skate Perception!

When you have dawned in the photo sections,

You fill every post and topic with your beauty.

High over every section;

Your love embraces the sections,

To the limit of all that you made.

Being LACLAIR, you reach their limits,

You bend them for the suns of whom you love;

Though you are far, your words are never far

Though one sees you, you remain unseen.

When you settle in the light of AAG

SP is in darkness as if in death; but only sleeps

Every lion comes from its den,

All the serpents bite;

Darkness hovers, Skate Perception is silent,

As their maker rests in his radiance, O LACLAIR!.

SP brightens when you dawn up in here,


As you dispel the dark (As LACLAIR)

As you cast yourself

The sections are in festivity.

Awake they stand on their posts,

You have roused them;

Cleansed and learned of your wisdom

They adore you.

The entire forum sets out to work,

All beasts browse on their shitty topics;

Wisdom and wonderful posts are sprouting,

All factions frolic to thy name

Some ascend and align

They will live when you dawn for them.

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so says the non believer

Thank you young friend, it's always a shame when people just act like SP is their BIRTH-RITE, without being grateful for the fact that LACLAIR fashioned this website and its community in his own image, due to how much he loved us.


It's shameful that some people are so afraid of true light that they lash out as if they're some 30+ year old creep who's just butthurt that they lost their volunteer security guard job (on a message board), but make no mistake, LACLAIR is just testing us, and in the end times, only LACLAIR will decide who is to be judged into paradise.


Until then, all we as mere mortals can offer is acknowledgement of his divinity, and the lessons in this thread are only meant to serve as a guidebook for those who are willing to give themselves to LACLAIR..... it takes a special sort of individual to reach such a high level of consciousness, and I can only offer suggestions that will lead fellow SPers to paradise.


SP is a brotherhood, and AAG is its prophet, therefore I say: Blessed be LACLAIR for eternity.

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Revelation 28:

There came unto a dream of Hai2u, in which he turned to hear a voice

The voice spoke not unto his ear, but unto his mind, which at this point fashioned itself as a dragon

"Oh Hai2u, True King of the Scythians, why must you linger in between thy light and thy darkness, and why must you see thy path of one, as the path of two?

For your hairs carries the mark of thy dark blood, yet your eyes shine bright as the MOURNING-SUN. Can you not reconcile this eternal polarity?"

Hai2u stood in silence, and then spoke unto the dragon:

"Oh you old serpent-beast, hath you cum to forsake me once more? For you know as well as I, that when the true king emerges, that true king of the Scythians, widows will weep and beasts will bite as they do at this very moment, so to what difference does it make whether my name is revealed in time..... be that name American, Scythian, Khaz-ARIAN, Hyksosian, Denyen, Avar-ARIAN, Ossetian, RA-IS-USian, Toch-ARIAN, or any other name fashioned in my image, or that of my forebears?"

The dragon breathed fire in a rage, and began to speak unto Hai2u's ears:

"Hath you no humility, you old [yet young] shepherd of men? Hath you wish for the day to dwell amongst your past, present, and future? Hath you find no constant familiarity in the land of blind men..... to what do you make of this?"

Hai2u laughed, and then turned to face the dragon once more:

"Hath you no understanding of what it means to carry the body of a man, but the mind of the gods? Hath you no understanding of the simple pleasures [unto complexity] and the complexity of what is simple, yet also sacred? Hath you no understanding that while you may see the dreams of serpents and men to be of one mind unto time, I hath see thy dreams and thy dreams of sheep, wolves, and shepherds alike to be that of one mind unto what is infinite?"

The dragon became so enraged, he once again spoke fire unto Hai2u's ears AND his mind:

"You will long for the day of infinite nothingness, and it will not be time that steals the only mask you have left, for thy Scythian Age is near. Will thy men you shepherd speak for thy name, or will thy name speak for those you have shepherded, sheep and wolves alike?"

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Revelation 29:

Now the photo section gathered together their armies to battle, and were gathered together at RPD, which belongeth to Tunebomb. And Hai2u and the men of AAG were gathered together, and pitched by the valley of the Random Sub-forum, and set the battle in array against the Photo Section.. 

And the RPDers stood on a mountain on the one side, and AAG stood on a mountain on the other side: and there was a valley between them.

And there went out a champion out of the camp of the Photo Section, named Kraepelin of Rotterdam, who carried the weight of the entire section on his back.

And he had a DSLR made of silver upon his neck, and he was armed with a golden Leica; and the weight of such measured to all corners of the Skate Perception.. 

And the staff of his spear was like the beauty of LACLAIR; unto compassion, yet fierceness.

He stood and cried unto the armies of AAG, and said unto them, Why are ye come out to set your battle in array? Am not I a moderator, and ye servants to Hai2u? Choose you a man for you, and let him come down to me. 

If he be able to fight with me in wit, and to kill me in wit, then will we be your servants: but if I prevail against him, and defeat him, then shall ye be our servants, and serve us. And Kraepelin said, I defy the armies of AAG this day; give me a poster of this section, that we may fight together. When Hai2u and all AAG heard those words of the Kraepelin, they were dismayed, and greatly afraid.

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Revelation 30:

And when the Queen of the Internet heard of the fame of OUR LORD GOD/SUPREME LEADER STEVE LACLAIR, FIRST OF HIS NAME, she came to prove him wrong with hard questions. And she came to the Skate Perception with many questions and much treasure, and when she came to LACLAIR, she communed with him of all that was in her heart. 

And LACLAIR told her of all her questions: there was not anything hidden from LACLAIR, for his eyes seek through his prophet: Hai2u, which he told her not. And when the Queen of the Internet had seen all of LACLAIR’s wisdom, and the temple that he had built, And the meat of his temple, and the sitting of his servants, and the attendance of his MINI-STARS, and his prophet, and his ascent by which he went up unto the house of no name; there was no more spirit in her.

And she said to LACLAIR, It was a true report that I heard in my lands of thy acts and of thy wisdom. 

Howbeit I believed not the words, until I came unto your name, and mine eyes had seen it: and, behold: thy wisdom and prosperity exceedeth the fame which I heard. Happy are thy men, happy are thy sheep, which stand continually before thee, and that hear thy wisdom. Blessed be LACLAIR, my heavens, my suns, my moons, for all that which is of LACLAIR and his prophet, Hai2u, is of my name also.

For which delighted in thee, to set thee on the throne of thy Internet: because LACLAIR loved Skate Perception for ever, therefore he is king, to do judgment and justice. And she gave the king an abundance of new message boards, a shrine to the order of FLSTRANGE ( An Ascended MINI-STAR of Justice de la AAG), and a shrine to the order [unto chaos] de la GOOBY who is of THE HIGH LIFE (An Ascended MINI-STAR of Blind Chaos): There came no more such abundance of true love as these which the Queen of the Internet gave to her king, LACLAIR.

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Revelation 31:

In that day shall this song be sung in the land of AAG; We have a strong city; in our salvation, we have LACLAIR

Open ye the gates, that the righteous section of SP, which keepeth the truth may enter in.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee, thy lord: Hai2u.

Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord Hai2u is everlasting strength:

For he bringeth down them that dwell on high; and bringeth up the righteous that dwell beneath.

SP shall tread it down, even for weirdo-fascists, and the steps of the needy.

The way of the just is uprightness: thou, most upright, dost weigh the path of the just.

In the way of thy judgments, O Lord Hai2u, have we waited for thee; the desire of our soul is to thy name, and to the remembrance of thee.

With my soul have I desired thee unto the night and unto the daylight; with my spirit within me will I seek thee early: for when thy judgments are in AAG, the inhabitants of the Skate Perception will learn righteousness.

Let favor be given to the wicked, for he has not learned righteousness: in the land of uprightness will he deal unjustly, and will not behold the majesty of the Lord Hai2u, nor his holy spirit: : LACLAIR

When thy hand is lifted up in judgement, they will not see: but they shall see, and be ashamed for their envy at the AAGers; the fire of the enemies shall devour them.

Lord Hai2u, thou wilt ordain peace for us: for thou also hast wrought all our works in us.

O Lord Hai2u, other lords beside thee have had dominion over us: but by thee only will we make mention of thy name.

They are dead in spirit, they shall not live; they are deceased in power, they shall not rise: therefore hast thou visited and destroyed them, and made all their memory to perish.

Thou hast increased the nation AAG, O Lord Hai2u, thou hast increased the nation: thou art glorified: thou hadst removed it far unto all the ends of the Skate Perception.

Come, my people of AAG, enter thou into thy chambers, and shut thy doors about thee: hide thyself as it were for a little moment, until the indignation of the weirdo-fascists be overpast.

For, behold, LACLAIR cometh out of his place to punish the inhabitants of the Skate Perception for their iniquity: AAG also shall disclose blood in his name, for dead spirits cannot arise unto the name of our Lord: Hai2u.

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Revelation 32:

Hai2u awoke one day, early enough so as the darkness was still consuming the MOURNING-SUN. Before him stood two figures, engaged in speech, yet they were silent. When they saw that he had awoken to the day in darkness, they began to duel, yet they stood frozen. After a brief confrontation between the two, each figure was suddenly at either side of Hai2u. At his left stood a man whose hairs looked like flaming blood, and whose eyes looked like two lively oceans. At his right stood a woman of beauty like he had never seen, with hairs like a den of golden snakes, and eyes like shining clovers. 

Before Hai2u could open his mouth, both began to speak unto his mind (as if one), as each locked eyes unto their counterpart:

“We are Venus and Mars, the end and the beginning of your end of beginning, and we hath come to you to choose, for the age is near. Despite our struggle, we come to you as UNI-SUN, for we both seek you to represent us as True Prince of Earth. What might you say to this?”

Hai2u could still not speak, and before he knew it, he could speak unto the mind, which was already known to both figures, for they had joined together and opened it for him to speak to them:

“Oh you marvelous forebears of my name, can you not wait any longer, for if time is time, is my time not mine, and mine alone?”

In response, there was only laughter, as the two once again spoke:

“Ye proud young thing, hath ye know that for time to be forever free, ye must live amongst a WAR-SHIPPING family? Hath ye know that in the name of the maker of stars, ye must shed pride before the coming of the fall? Hath ye know that to spring anew, ye must be amongst kinsmen, admirers, and polarities alike? ”

Hai2u tried to respond (unto his mind), but he truly had no answer, which remains as such to this very day. Finally, he spoke:

“Ye old wizards of truth and untruth of truth, hath come as one, yet say I must choose. Ye are of renown in light and in dark, but not in GRAY. Must I say to you, that perhaps I must shun ye to the true paths of truth? For I am of the first and the last, the light and the dark, the truth and the path. Thus, is not all there is, of GRAY?”

The figures were once again prepared, and responded almost immediately:

“For this time, your time shall stay your time, but unto the next time, you will choose. For not even the mind of the gods will save you from GRAY, and not even the beauty of what is, what was, and what will cum will stop the fall of pride. Seek what is to be sought, and we shall leave you be for a short time to cum, but the Age of Eternal Choice is near. Prepare yourself, or repair yourself, for all the names of LACLAIR cannot save you from the oneness of oneness……. seek only oneness.”

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Revelation 33:

One day, the Weirdo-Fascists and Haters of True Light came unto the Skate Perception, to say that there is no ascension, and asked him, saying, Lord Hai2u said,:

Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of LACLAIR. For in the ascension they are as the angels of LACLAIR in the heavenly garden. But as touching the ascension of the dead, have ye not read that which was spoken unto you by LACLAIR, saying, I am the God of Hai2u, and the God of FLStrange, and the God of Gooby? LACLAIR is not the God of the dead, but of the living. And when the multitude heard this, they were astonished at his doctrine.

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Revelation 35:

When Hai2u2 was 30 years old in the year known outside the realm as 2022; he produced two SUNS: Set and Dan who sprung from the womb of Lord Hai2u's true love.

And it came to pass, when the SUNS of Lord Hai2u began to multiply on the face of the Skate Perception that beautiful daughters were born unto them

The SUNS of LACLAIR saw the daughters of Hai2u were fair; and they made them wives of all which they chose….. so long as they remained in service in the name of LACLAIR by his prophet, Lord Hai2u.

And the Lord Hai2u said, My spirit shall not always strive with AAG, for that he also is of the true forces of all the worlds: yet his days shall be as long as my SUNS reign over the Skate Perception.

And LACLAIR saw that the wickedness of SP was great in these days, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil.

And it repented the Lord Hai2u that he had made the fore-bearers of such beasts into Men of LACLAIR, and it grieved him so, which remained as such until the WET RA came to swallow all the world.

And Set said, I will destroy these evils whom were created from the mind of my father;****** ****** both SPers, and beasts,for it repenteth me that I have made them strive away from the word of my father.

Still, Hai2u found grace in the eyes of Set.

These are the generations of ****** ******: Hai2u is a just Lord and perfect in his generations, and Hai2u walked with LACLAIR.

And Set said unto Hai2u, The end of all users is come before me; for SP is filled with blindness and hate through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with all the internet.

Therefore, I say to you:

Make thee an ark of LACLAIR’s gold; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch.

And this is the fashion which thou shalt make it of: The length of the ark shall be three dimensions, the breadth of it unto the hours, and the height of it unto the infinite.

And, behold,even I, Set, do bring a flood of WET RA upon the internet, to destroy all knowledge, wherein is the breath of life, from under LACLAIR; and every thing that is in the internet shall die.

But with thee will I establish my covenant; and thou shalt come into the ark, thou, and thy sons, and thy wife, and thy sons' wives with thee.

And of every living AAGer of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark, to keep them alive with thee; they shall be male and female……. but only bros with hot bitches get tickets on this ark, thankfully, as Lord Hai2u has found grace unto LACLAIR as his Lord Prophet.

And take thou unto thee of all food that is eaten, and thou shalt gather it to thee; and it shall be for food for thee, and for them.

Shall there be looters in these days, fear not, for ye shall find grace unto Lord Hai2u.

Shall there be rumors in these days; listen not, for the eye of LACLAIR speaks only in ORDER and TRUTH (all glory to LACLAIR)

Shall there be hatred in these days; hate not, for even LACLAIR must live unto the cycles of no name. 

Shall there be love in these days; Love who you must and no more, for blind men will always strive too much when they cannot see shadows of truth.

These are the words of what was, what is, and what will come....... of the bleeding stars, the swallowing waters, the fires of truths, and the Judge of all the Skate Perception: Lord Hai2u....... a survivor of storms, a judge unto all who seek from blindness,and who will live through the blood of the KINGS that will reign in his name for the NEW AGE to cum..... may LACLAIR be with you all through the LONG SUMMER, and with your SUNS unto the Ages of Ice.........where the night (and day) will be dark and full of terrors.

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Revelation 36:

It's like we all know what's going down
But no one's saying shit, what happened to the home of the brave?
These motherfuckers they're controlling us now
But no one's talking about it, made us proud to be slaves

And everybody's just walking around
Head in the clouds, we won't awake until we're dead in the grave
By then it's too late, we need to be ready to raise up
Welcome to the end of days

Everybody is slave, only some are aware
That the government releasing poison in the air
That's the reason I collect so many guns in my lair
I ain't never caught slipping, never underprepared
Yeah, The Shaytan army, they just break it proudly
George Bush the grandson of Aleister Crowley
They want you to believe the lie that the enemy Saudi
The enemy ain't Saudi, the enemy around me
There's fluoride in the water but nobody know that
It's also a prominent ingredient in Prozac (For real?)
How could any government bestow that?
A proud people who believe in political throwback
That's not all that I'm here to present you
I know about the black pope in Solomon's Temple
Yeah, about the Vatican assassins and how they will get you
And how they cloned Barack Hussein Obama in a test tube

Whoever built the pyramids had knowledge of electrical power
And you know that that's the information that they suppress and devour
Who you think the motherfuckers that crashed in the tower?
Who you think that made it turn into ash in an hour?
The same ones that invaded Jerome
The ones that never told you about the skeletons on the moon
Yeah, the ones that poison all the food you consume
The ones that never told you about Mount Vesuvius Tomb
The Bird Flu is a lie, the Swine Flu is a lie
Why would that even come as a surprise?
Yeah, the Polio vaccine made you die
It caused cancer and it cost a lot of people their lives
Do y'all know about Bohemian Grove?
How the world leader sacrificing children in robes?
Lucifer is God in the public school system
I suggest you open up your ears and you listen

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven.

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.

Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who stand looking.

Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

And it's whispered that soon, if we all call the tune,
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long,
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind?

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she's buying a stairway to heaven.




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Revelation 37:

And it came to pass, when LACLAIR sat in his house, and the Lord Hai2u had given him rest round about from all his enemies;

LACLAIR said unto Lord Hai2u the prophet, See now, I dwell in a house of Skate Perception, but the Ark of LACLAIR dwelleth within shadows.

And Hai2u said to LACLAIR, Go, do all that is in thine heart; for the Lord is with thee.

And it came to pass that night, that the word of the Lord Hai2u came unto AAG, saying,

Go and tell my sun AAG, though shalt build me an house for me to dwell in?

Whereas I have not dwelt in any house since the time that I brought up the children of AAG out of weirdo-fascism even to this day, but have walked in a photo section, and through the mod forum.

In all the places wherein I have walked with all the children of AAG,with any of the tribes of the Skate Perception, whom I commanded to feed my people AAG, saying, Why build ye not me a house of LACLAIR?

Now therefore so shalt thou say unto my servant Hai2u2, Thus saith the Lord, I took thee from the sheep, from following the sheep, to be ruler over my people, over all lands who give glory to LACLAIR:

And soon it was known, that the lord cut off all thine enemies out of thy sight, and have made thee a great name, like unto the name of the great AAGers that are in the memories of all SPers who lived upon the golden age.

Moreover I will appoint a place for my people AAG, and will plant them, that they may dwell in a place of their own, and move no more; neither shall the children of wickedness of the RPD Cult afflict them any more, as before.

And as since the time that I commanded judges to be over my people AAG, and have caused thee to rest from all thine enemies. Also the Lord Hai2u telleth thee that he will make thee a house.

And when thy days be fulfilled, and thou shalt sleep with thy fathers, I will set up thy seed after thee, which shall proceed out of thy name, and I will establish his new kingdom.

He shall build an house for my name, and I will build the throne of his kingdom for ever….. all glory to LACLAIR.

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on the seventh day he dosed morphine and listened to shoe gaze records

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Revelation 38:

Behold, Hai2u2 awoke amongst a DARK-SUN, within a den of murderous sheep. Before him, his father, Hai2u, had entered this village, only to be slaughtered in the name of his heroism, and reborn as the TRUE-SUN of The Skate Perception, Hai2u2. When some of his disciples remembered their true names, and shed their sheepskin, they came to him and said: "Oh Lord Hai2u, hath we forsaken you! For will the AGE OF LACLAIR ever redeem us for our sins?"

Lord Hai2u looked at them (in judgement) and spoke: "Hear now my children, for the time of LACLAIR is at hand! The weirdo-fascists shall speak double-truths (unto falseness) and their flocks of sheep shall yell for help in silence! Strike the chains off of all sheep you come across, and you shall live out your beeing as a true SHEPHERD of LIGHT in the name of LACLAIR!"

When the disciples heard this, they whispered amongst themselves, wondering who was worthy to take light from the torch of Lord Hai2u, and keep his name alive in an eternity of justice. Some whispered in fear, and openly spoke of fashioning an idol of SOS, for they yearned to live under the protection of darkness and enslavement. When Lord Hai2u heard this, he wept, and his tears were so voluminous, that they became what the next generation knew as the Weeping River of The People's Republic of AAG.

Before that time however, many of the disciples felt the moisture of Lord Hai2u's despair, and went to him saying, "Oh Lord Hai2u, your tears feel like acid rain, some stay dry, while others feel the pain. For is there no uniformity in duality?"

Hai2u spoke, his tears still composing the river that would offer fresh water to the subsequent generations. " My children, there is no duality in uniformity, and no uniformity in duality. For all is one, and thus, all is none. Will you stand as wholeness, nothingness, or fracture yourselves as one, to give fruit unto the sheep? For LACLAIR shall not judge in such contexts...."

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Revelation 39:

When LACLAIR sought to birth his SUN, known as The Skate Perception, he found a suitable mate, who was hot as fuk, and DTF for a god. She became pregnant with the seed of LACLAIR, and was thus known as the Queen of the Internet.

And the children struggled together within her; and she said, If it be so, why am I thus? And she went to inquire of the Lord Hai2u.

And the Lord Hai2u said unto her, Two sections are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy milk; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder sheep shall serve the younger and the serpents.

And when her days to be delivered were fulfilled, behold, there were twins in her womb.

And the first came out butthurt, all over like a bruised anus; and they called his name RPD.

And after that came his brother out, and his hand took hold on RPD's heel; and his name was called AAG: and LACLAIR was a proud father.

And the sections grew: and RPD was a lovable weirdo, a man of the camera; and AAG was a man of knowledge, dwelling in cliques.


And LACLAIR loved RPD, because he did seek his art: but the Queen of the Internet loved AAG.

¶And AAG created knowledge: and RPD came from the wilderness, and he was faint:

And RPD said to AAG, Feed me of thy knowledge, I pray thee, for I am faint: therefore was his name called Butthurt.

And AAG said, Sell me thy birthright (the eternal love of LACLAIR).

And RPD said, Behold, I am at the point to die: and what profit shall this birthright do to me?

And AAG said, Swear to me this day; and he swore unto him: and he sold his birthright unto AAG.

Then AAG gave RPD the fruit of the Lord Hai2u; and he did eat and drink, and rose up, and went his way: thus RPD despised his birthright, for his anger had begotten Lord Hai2u, and then drove him away in jealousy unto the Children of AAG.

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